Throughout the whole Christmas time, I prisoned myself in the library of Chinese University. Nobody put me into a jail. I made myself do it and it was a really enjoyable imprisonment which I would keep doing it if time is allowed.

I was moving in between two libraries there. One is at the main campus while another one is in Chung Chi College. Towards the end of my holiday, I got a strange discovery which made me both excited and annoyed.

If you are graduates of Chung Chi College students, you should be familiar with what kinds of books you can find most in Chung CHi library. They are books for music, education, religion plus literature on the whole floor. Literature includes all kinds of literature like English literature, American, Oriental and drama.

Enjoyment!
Thats a word which really rings my bell and keeps lingering in my mind on the way home.
A little sharing with you! On the way home I kept thinking about what happened on me at the end of the workshop today! My mind went blank at that moment when I was standing there in front of my classmates. But the most frustrating part is that lots of ideas were visualizing in my mind of what I could do while I was taking MTR. I believe that if i could be given a one more chance, I would know what to do then.
Sometimes I really found a bit frustrated when I saw my classmates full of creativity work. I am so pleased to see how creative they are as for myself I am always labelled as "intellectually smart".  So in a way, pressure has been given on myself which I wanna break it. The more I try, I farther away i am.
But today as you said, I was too concerned about the end result unconsciously as I want to make it better.
Actually similar experience happened when I was doing my ethnodrama with my groupmates who were creatively fast on production while I was a dummy stepping on the same place. At that time I felt so intimidated and sad. I even doubt whether I was such a non-creative person. Once a very good friend of mine said I was not a really confident person. That's why I would be so upset by people's labelling me as"Intellectually smart. I don't like the way they call me as like I am retarded on another side like creativity. But oI do agree that i am not confident though people always think that I am.   I wish I can gain my confidence on myself and find the way out of my dead-end. i wish i can have a breakthrough.
I have to learn how to learn and I can share it with my dear students. I always tell my students that they should not look at the end product but have to enjoy the process.  But actually i am still learning what I have told them to learn. What happened today made me have deep reflection and realiztion.

Thanks for giving me a meaningful lesson today, 群仔.  You're such a nice person that you always see the good sides of people.

An inspiration to share...... wait ....until I finish my ethnography......oooooohhhh.........

Thanks Phoebe for your call and your care....It's so good to hear from you....see you soon....

What words should I use to describe the first two weeks of Nov?

Unlucky! Horrible, Stressed, Oppressed, Daunting, dramatic.... NIGHTMARE!!!!

What happened can really become good elements of a thriller!!!! 

What i want is that I'm looking for a beam of light ahead of my future. That's the only wish I am asking for but no more.

If anyone interested in knowing my "life experience", you're mostly welcomed to ask me..... really hard to tell in words... cos there are so many which really drive me mad and make me collapse!

Really look for my birthday to have a good start!!! Sigh!!!

It's been long time for me to start to paint again. I was surprised to find how calm my mind was when I was painting today. It's a small piece but it's so much fun and joy. That's the calmness I've been missing these days. I've been living in completely lost and mess.

Not thinking about the techniques but only painting... That's another way to voice. People said I'm eloquent (that's because they don't understand me) but I'm not actually...  (at least to abstract human feelings) I  find art is the best tool to express my complex feelings than words. I used to be annoyed by people who do not really understand me and love to make judgements on me. Well... why do I have to bother on explaining myself to them? Let them think whatever they think I am... as long as I am not what they think I am...

"Life is short...there're far more important stuff deserved your concern" one of my good friends said to me.

Hope i can keep having another ...another...another....of my painting in the future! :>

"She was crazy!!!" "She's got mental illness!!!!"

They were the most comments I have been hearing from people commenting on the family tragedy in Tin Shui Wai.

Just go on the street and ask anyone on the street, this is the only comment they can make. Isn't it terrifying to hear this kind of comment?

I could not help shivering when my students made this comment in class. They were so much detached from the tradegy and that was the only "wonderful' comment they can make and that's it!

Couldn't it be more room for us to think about the whole tragedy and the suffer that the whole family have had before we simply made the judgement that she was crazy.

It was even daunting to see the reaction of my colleagues. They were totally immune to the tragedy. They didn't give a damn to show any interest in knowing the news. They were abnormally quiet on the news. Their reaction makes me remember how my old colleagues working in Yuen Long would give response to when hearing the news.  At least they show their concern.   The colleagues in my recent school just kept on talking about their middle-class life stuff. There's  nothing more interesting than their own life and that's it. They are teachers but they show no response to the society. They show no reflection on what's happening in our community. Isn't it terrible to figure out what impact they can bring on our next generation? The answer is "I". They all live in their "I" world.... things happening outside their "world" is none of their business! 

 The wholel tradegy recalls one of my drama teaching experience in my old school. I did a few workshop on domestic violence with my S4 students. I was impressed how reflective they were on the issue. The same voice in my heart keeps asking if drama can help to prevent this kind of tragedy from happening or at least raise peopl'e awareness. If i can find a group of friends which share my view, i really want to go to that community and use DIE to see how much we can do. I guess that's why we're studying in this course cos we know that drama can bring changes in life... even though these changes are very tiny.